Raito are you eating my cake?
by Saiyuki606
Summary: All hell breaks loose when Yagami Raito does the unthinkable...Eats L's cake! Spoilers in later chapters! Not for little kids!
1. Chapter 1

**Hi guys! This is Sai here! I'm at a friend's house! Her name is Anna (a.k.a Enno) and she's here to help me write my most recent fanfiction! **

**Warnings: This is a very partially stupid fanfiction. My friend and I are both high at the time (not literally, but still) so this is going to be kinda short and fun and stupid and awesome. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note or any of her characters. BUT I do own my passion for the show. **

**Spoiler warning: If you haven't gotten to chapters 50-59 in the manga or episode 25 in the anime you should not read this story. YOU WILL BE SO DISSAPOINTED!!!!**

**Are you ready to rumble! This is RaitoxL FREESTYLE!**

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**-Raito, are you...eating my cake?-**

**-By Sai and Anna-**

It's not easy being hand-cuffed to your sworn enemy. Especially if you're Yagami Raito teenager

with a god-complex (a.k.a KIRA) When you are bound to the one person who's actually 'out-to-get you' you have one of _those _nights .

You know the kind of night. The kind of night that you just can't stand but you know you have to stay awake through. The kind of night that sucks, but you can't bare to miss any of the waking action.

On this particular night, a very peculiar thing happened.. This thing would normally symbolize the END OF THE WORLD. That's right, I'm talking dooms day. Unfortunately, on the day this _thing _happened, the world didn't end . Though, it probably should have.

"Raito-kun" L said in the mono-tone voice of his "Raito-kun can you pass me the plate that's on the coffee table?"

L tapped tirelessly at his keyboard while waiting for Raito to respond.

Raito didn't not reply, but instead answered with one solid noice. _Mmmmmm?_

"_Raito-kiun..." L mumbled... "Just hand me the cake...it's on the coffe table."_

"Glup oo oo wunt?"Raito incoherently replied.

"..." was the only thing L had to say before turning around in his swivel chair. His eyes widened at the sight that was to be held.

At the same moment, Raito stuffed another spoonful of cake into his mouth.

If L wasn't the calm and composed detective that he was his jaw might've dropped to the linoleum tiled floors.

Raito continued to ignore L and stuff more cake into his mouth. When Raito realized that he was being watched he shut his mouth quickly and swallowed sharply .

"..." L continued to stare "Umm..."

"What???" Raito stared at L innocently.

"Raito-kun..." the worlds three greatest detectives all questioned "...are you...by any chance...is that... is that the cake that was on the coffee table?"

"Maybe... What's it to ya?"

"Well, you see...You know how my deduction abilities go down forty percent when I don't sit the way I do?"

"Yaaaaaaaaa?" Raito dragged the a sound out for effectiveness.

"Well, the same goes for sweets and..." L struggled for the correct word to choose "Basically...No cake equals me dumb."

"ooooh...THAT MEANS ME SMARTER THAN U!!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!" Raito uncharacteristically shouted.

"Sorry, sugar does that to me..."Raito said.

L stared.

Raito cleared his throat.

Silence.

More silence.

MORE SILENCE.

"Awkward..." L sang.

L began to return to his work before the reality began to set in...

"You ate my cake?" L's voice came out normally...at first...

"Yeah?" Raito stared at some criminal reports "What of it?"

"YOU BASTARD" L screamed, jumping up out of his chair "YOU ATE MY FREAKIN' CAKE!"

"So What." Raito Stated like it was no big deal.

At that nonchalant comment L attacked, and a powerful kick was deliver to Raito's stomach. The blunt force caused Raito to spit up the last bit piece of cake still remaining in his mouth.

Raito gagged as him stomach was pushed on forcefully by the mighty L's foot. When Raito regained his previous 'cool ' state he took a short moment to unleash his hatred for his fellow genius.

"You!" Raito shouted at the top of his lungs "What does it matter if I ate the fucking cake or not! I don't know if you realised this or not, but THE ONLY FOOD IN THIS HOUSE IS CAKE AND SUGAR!"

L glared and prepared a kick to Raito's face which was prevented when L was forced to duck Raito's punch.

"But it was _my _cake!" The sleep-deprived older man whined.

"Everything in this WHOLE FUCKING BUILDIN' IS YOURS!!!!!!!" Raito screamed in response.

"Exactly!"

As the two stared at each other the tension began to build up.

Raito threw the plate at L which barley missed his L's face.

"_That Bastard"L thought. _

L swiftly took a swipe at Raito's beautiful ankles as a poor attempt to knock the younger boy down. When L missed Raito took the moment to get back at his opponent.

As L lunged, Raito jumped up to kick L in the face. L was stunned as the blow landed near his jaw. The blow caused a fall on L's part, and in less than a second the attacked hyperactive sociopathic man lay sprawled across the floor with one arm over his head and one over his now bleeding lip.

"Raito-CHAN"

"Ryuuzaki-TEME"

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**Authoress's notes:**

**We had bucket of fun writing this chapter! And we'll be writing another chapter in less than 2 months! Hopefully, it will be in less time than that. Enno wrote Raito-kuns parts and I wrote THE one and only L! The two of this collaberated on the fighting scene (Which is funny because the fighting scene sucked, AND i had to aact it out while Anna typed!) **

**Please, read and review. **

**Don't forget to review or we won't write a sequel.with a bunch of making out and kissing and and and... um **_**other "stuff"... enno.**_

**Read a lot and have a nice day! **

**Huggles from Ajha!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:Okay, okay...So I've been TRYING really hard to get enno to finish this collab with me, but she still refuses to be serious so...I guess this is stating the end of the "Raito are you eating my cake?" collab seeing as I was the only one to write this chapter. :(**

**This is the probably the second to last chapter! Sorry! Blame Enno202! She's the lazy butt who refused to be serious!.**

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"Raito-CHAN"

"Ryuuzaki-TEME"

The two men stared at each other from opposite sides of the room. Their heavy breathing could be heard throughout the room.

"Why?" L questioned, "Why did you have to eat MY cake"

Raito chuckled, "Why, you ask?" Raito's eyes glittered. His shoulders shook as he laughed. Ryuuzaki knew that only Kira could laugh with such evil mirth.

"I ate you're cake..." Raito looked his enemy in the eye as a manic grin spread across his face "...Because I knew IT WAS THE LAST PIECE LEFT! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHHAH!"

Ryuuzaki's eye widened impossibly and he took a step back.

"You're not...you're not human!" he pointed his finger and the demon standing parallel to him.

"Muhuhu...no Ryuuzaki...I'm not human...Muhuhuhu" his laughter continued to bounce through the air.

"Then...w-what are you?" Ryuuzaki's voice shook from fear.

Raito slowly lifted his head up to look his opponent in the eye.

"I'm **God**" That devilish grin widened.

"...No you're not..."

"Yes I am!"

"No...you're not!"

"Am too!"

"Not you're not"

"Yeah!"

"No!"

"Yeah!!!!"

"No!"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"No"

"Yes"

"Yes!"

"No!...Wait I mean yes!!!"

"Haha..."

"I MEANT YES!!"

"You didn't say yes..."

"Argh!!! You know what?!"

"What?"

"I can PROVE I'm GOD!"

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah!"

"Bet you can't..."

"Yes I can!"

"Suuurreeeee..."

"I'm not lying!!!"

"Whatever you say 'God'"

"Stop that!"

"Stop what?"

"_That!_"

"I don't know what _that _is"

"That sarcasm!"

"I think you're paranoid..."

"Nooo..."

"Maybe all this God business is getting to you..."

"You still doubt I'm God?"

"Well...you have yet to prove your holiness..."

"I'll show you!"

"Oh yeah?"

"YEAH!"

"..."

"..."

"..."

"What?"

"I'm waiting..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Tick-tock..."

"Wait! I'm thinking! God..."

"..."

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**TO BE CONTINUED**

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**AN: Okay so yeah this chapter sucked but I don't want you guys to lose faith! We WILL finish this story (Go to my profile, then my favorite authors, then click on enno202 and sent her long hate messages complaining on how she is such a lazy bum for not pulling her weight...)**

**Thanks for reading!**

**It will be better next time I PROMISE!!!!**

**Huggles and Kissys**

**Sai**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiiiiiii!! Guess what!! It's time for a new chapter in Raito….. blah blah blah. This is Enno and hell yah, this is so going to be better than chapter 2 sai did! Thank u for your honest opinion on chapter 2. That was, as sai said, for you guys to not get pissed at me. So anyway….. let's get to the point. Oh yeah, please review. We love t read your comments. They matter so ….yeah….**

**Warning:This is a crack fic. There will be extreme sex in every scene. Lol maybe in future chapters. I do own Death Note in my head.**

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"_**I'm waiting…"**_

"_**Tick-tock…"**_

"_**Wait! I'm thinking! God…."**_

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At that moment L burst out laughing.

"So this is what sugar does to you and, ironically, what a lack of sugar does to me."

"I feel like a little kid!" Raito laughed.

"This is the most fun I've ever had," L laughed.

Raito arched an eyebrow. "You've never had a funner time in your life?"

L, so deprived of his sugar, didn't even notice Raito's idiotic grammatical error. (Just in case you guys are kind of slow, the error was "funner" is not a word. Lol)

"Raito…"Ryuuzaki paused thoughtfully "When you're a world famous detective such as moi, you don't have much time for 'fun' Ryuuzaki air quoted the word fun.



"Raito looked at L and laughed_. "He's being so childish. He air quoted fun for gods sake! Is this the first time he's ever let loose?_" Raito pondered.

"What's so funny?" L asked with an inquisitive look.

"You have your thumb in your mouth!" Raito childishly exclaimed

"Ugh! That's it you are never, I repeat, NEVER, having sugar again!!" Ryuuzaki replied annoyed.

"Oh yeah? Why? " Raito challenged.

L eyed Raito suspiciously. "You're acting crazy!"

"You said you're having fun." Raito sauntered towards the detective, "_You_ are the one who shouldn't eat sugar." Raito gave L one of his steamiest seductive looks. "I like you better this way."

Feeling embarrassed and awkward, L shifted his gaze to the floor.

Raito took that chance to pounce on the unsuspecting detective.

L gasped as he fell underneath the larger boys weight..

"Fuck! You're heavy! What are you trying to do, squish me?"Ryuuzaki screamed. "Get the fuck off of me!"

"Make me!" Raito answered.



L struggled but Raito held him tightly in place.

"Now let's have some fun…" Raito murmured as he leaned down near Ryuuzaki's face. Raito was not even an inch away from the other detective's mouth...

L breathed heavily and looked at Raito with shock written all over his face.

"Let's have fun…" Raito repeated. "…..PLAYING VIDEO GAMES!!" He exclaimed as he quickly got off of L and set up the Playstation2.

Ryuuzki remained on the floor breathing heavily. _That was to close for my comfort. I could still smell my cake on his breath. That bastard! He ate my cake!_

"Get up! We're handcuffed together, remember! I can't get very far if you don't move!"Raito said.

"What are we playing?" Raito asked after composing himself.

"Need for Speed."Raito grinned.

"Tell you what, if you win then I'll buy you enough candy to last you a week, but if I win then you owe me one favor, deal?"

"Deal." L smirked "I happen to be good at video games."

"So am I!" Raito retorted.

_Damn! If I lose then I'll be broke. Candy for a week... That's more than a ton for L!_

Raito chose a red Ferrari and L chose a black Porsche turbo .

The game counted down from **3…..2…..1... **There was a gunshot and the game started.

**AN: Hope you enjoyed the story. Hope you like this better than the 2****nd**** chap. Oh yeah. Sai edited but I thought of everything so yeah…. Please, please, please, please comment my readers…lol. Tell me what you think. By the way, do you guys think I should start my own series on my own account?**

**Love Enno.**


	4. Chapter 4

Helloooo my pretties

**Helloooo!!. Sai here. As enno said, she wrote the last chapter. And enno really should just be writing all these "comedy" chapters but she is SO LAZY**

**Replying to chapter 3 Comments (Since they stood out a bit more than the other reviews)**

**Squrte**

**As start thankies for the review! Enno is pleased by your confusion! I will try very hard to get Enno off her fat lazy ass so that chapter 5 will roll around the corner faster.**

**FranklyDarko**

**Thankies for the review! Enno is purring with delight! And as for the kissing…Well…We shall see! **

**Dk**

**Thanks for the review! Enno thinks so as well! **

**Lunarspirit**

**Sai-I love sugar high RATIO too!**

**Enno-I love writing the parts where Raito goes crazy!! It is thoroughly amusing!**

**Ayane Lorina**

**Sai-Enno and I are both appalled that you are so appalled and or offended by our offensive language. **

**Enno-I like using offensive language. It adds more drama and they are both adults so…. If you find it offensive then don't read it I guess…. But it's a good story so you should! D**

**Thank you thank you thank you to :**

**Lilbishihunter: Enno thanks you!**

**Kurai-Kyuuketsuki: I know. Funner really should be a word!**

**Lonelyemoprince: Sai- I hate them too. Blame Enno. **

**Enno- HEY! The cliffhangers are what makes this story keep on going!**

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**Where we left off**

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The game counted down from

3…..

"Ready to get your ass kicked, Ryuuzaki?"

2…..

"Beating you? Heh. Fazer aquilo é cagativo!"

1...

"Cuzão!"

There was a gunshot and the game started.

Raito sped onto the pavement, leaving L behind to eat his dust. Quickly, he zoomed past CU drivers and slammed on the brakes to execute a flawless turn leaving skid marks behind him. A quick glance over to his rivals screen gave him a glimpse of where he stood. So far things were looking _very_ nice for Raito. L was far behind and moving slowly.

Into the parking lot, over the edge and SKADOOSH! Lap 1 completed. According to the map he should be passing Player number 2 shortly and…WAM! Right into L's bumper! Raito sent both cars flying in to the air. Fortunately, it was Raito's car that landed straight and L's car landed upside-down-causing the position to be reset.

"Now…Raito-kun…That's not playing fair." Ryuuzaki chimed.

"Ryuuzaki…This is a game! Who gives a shit about fairness?" As our Yagami Raito ushered these words, police sirens started blaring and Raito was tagged by 2 or 3 cop cars: each calling for back-up.

"The law. HAHAHAHAHA!! JUSTICE PREVAILS!!" L triumphantly zoomed through a shortcut and skipped an extremely large amount of track: Landing himself in the lead while Raito was left to shake the police off his tail.

"What the Fuck? What happened to being fair? Jackass!" Raito forced the car long ways and watched as two cabs crashed into him and blocked traffic. He raced under a tunnel and off on to a side rode marked unmapped territory.

"_Cheats and cheat codes are wonderful wonderful things." _Raito thought as he saw his dot on the map disappear. _"Just a turn at the bend…"_

L glanced on Raito's screen and saw his car, not more than a mile ahead of him.

_Ha! Sie erhalten Ihren Kolben getreten!_

"Ha! You're getting your butt kicked!" The distressed detective taunted.

Raito shifted into fourth gear and crashed into L's back bumper at record speeds, leaving a dent in the trunk of his vehicle.

_Blick, der das Sprechen hat, Scheißebeutel!_

"Look who's talking, shit-bag!" the teen rammed into his opponents bumper a second time. A third was about to come until those hazel eyes glanced at which lap they were on! The last one!

"_Shit! I have to get ahead and fast!" _

Soon the leveled minds were neck and neck; Each trying to beat each other to the last lap. From what they could see they were equal but there was no such thing as a tie in this game and they knew someone would win.

Faster, faster: both of them rushing to their fates.

Closer!

_Closer!_

Who would win? The thought of losing was etched into the detective's minds. And for both of them failure was _not _an option.

Zooming past the final gate and…

And the winner is?

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**Enno wrote everything after this. I edited**

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Raito grabbed his shoes and shoved them on angrily.

"Ok! I'm leaving to buy your precious candy!" Raito shouted, forgetting that the odd man was sitting 4 feet away from him.

Raito had lost the game, not by a foot, but by one-fourth of a foot!! And he was pretty damn pissed off. He wanted to get away from Ryuuzaki as fast as possible.

He already felt ashamed for losing and being in the room with the winner wasn't making him feel any better.

Raito shuffled out the door as quickly as his legs could carry him.

"Ah…Raito-kun…?" L tried to get the younger mans attention.

Raito was in NO mood to listen to L, and ignored any of his desperate protests.

There was a loud crash behind the furious teenager and Raito's hand jerked back violently as he did a nose dive and hit the door head first. Raito finally realized he had forgotten that they were handcuffed and Ryuuzaki was trying to warn him!

Raito quickly got up and took a few steps back. He examined his hand. The handcuff had left a deep cut in his wrist and blood was dripping onto the usually sterile floor.

"Fuck!" Raito cursed under his breath.

Then Raito remembered the crash.

"Ryuuzaki!" Raito shouted, realizing the absence of movement from the cause of the collision. He spun around only to be met with the image of L sprawled on the floor, silent and unmoving. There was blood dripping from his raven black hair and the table he rammed into was upside down and cracked.

Raito, ignoring the pain in his wrist, quickly ran over to Ryuuzaki's side and checked for a pulse. He sighed in relief as he felt a faint thumping beneath his fingertips.

"Wait a second! I should _not _be happy that he's alive!" was the single Raito thought sulking somewhere in the back of his mind.

Raito took another look at the detective. "God! He looks dead. It's like the scene of a murder in CSI!" Then Raito noticed that Ryuuzaki's foot was twisted at a weird angle.

"Did he fracture his ankle?" Raito curiously wondered out loud as he crouched down next to L.

Rolling up the detective's jeans he examined the wound, "Doesn't look broken. It looks like a really bad sprain.

Raito stood to find a splint and bandages, remembering this time that they were handcuffed, and gently picked up Ryuuzaki and carried him to the bathroom (bridal style).

He laid L down on the bathroom tiles and got some gauze and rubbing alcohol.

"First his head." Raito firmly decided. Seeing as the wound was enveloped in black hair Raito was forced to put Ryuuzaki's head on his lap. He washed the blood from Ryuuzaki's silky hair and cleaned the wound. Fortunately, the bleeding had stopped.

In time Raito finished treating L's wounds and took him in to the bedroom. Destination reached the Auburn haired teen gently set Ryuuzaki upon the mattress. As soon as Ryuuzaki's body touched the bed his eyes opened looking alarmed.

"It's funny how he never sleeps and treats the bed as an unnecessary object and as soon as he touches the bed he wakes up. That's so like him!" Raito smirked at that thought.

"Raito? What am I doing in bed?" Ryuuzaki said as he sat up and swung his legs off the bed only to scream, "MOTHERFU-"

Raito steadied L, "You have a really bad sprain, so I suggest you lay back down."

Ryuuzaki stared directly into Raito's eyes "Thanks for taking care of my injuries, but I have a lot of work to get done. Move."

Raito found himself mesmerized by those onyx orbs. He noticed for the first how pale L's skin was such a stark contrast to his midnight eyes. Right now Ryuuzaki's eyes were filled with desperation to get off the bed. Raito remembered how silky Ryuuzaki's hair felt when he touched it while washing the wound.

"No lay back down!" Raito commanded. "Have you looked in a mirror lately? You need sleep!"

"Move!" Ryuuzaki shouted as he tried to shove Raito away. Ryuuzaki winced as he hit his leg against Raito.

"Lay down!"

"No!"

"Seriously, Zombie-Man, you need rest!"

"Get away!"

"Lay Down!"

Make me!"

"OK! I will!" Raito shouted as he pushed on Ryuuzaki's shoulders. Ryuuzaki, weakened from his injuries, couldn't help but be pinned down against the bed.

…**To Be Continued…**

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**Please apologize if the parts in different languages are inaccurate. I used one of those cheap online translators.**

**Piece of Cake! (something along those lines)**

**Fucker! (Something along those lines!)**

**Lol. I believe that is Jack Black's catch phrase in "Kung Fu Panda"**

**This is German. Translation is below. **

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**OMG! That was so hard to edit! Basically I just let Enno go all willy nilly with her part of the chapter. I personally found it to be quite cheesy. :P**

**However, Enno enjoyed writing her part! She thinks it's A plus material! **

**Also just to let you guys know what goes on behind the scenes our conversing about the story went a bit like this:**

"**Wtf? You are a shitty editor!" Enno.**

"**I'M a shitty editor? You're a shitty writer! How am I supposed to edit something that's not in English!?" Sai**

"**I can understand it!" Enno**

"**No shit! You **_**wrote **_**it!" Sai**

"**UGH! Whatever!" Enno**

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**Please Read and Review! It's your reviews that keep this story going! **


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